ASSISTING THE BLIND

      INT. APARTMENT - DAY

      The doorbell rings. A delay as NELSIN, clearly blind, makes
      his way over to the door to open it. It is MARL, dressed in
      the sort of sweater a good samaritan would wear.

                          NELSIN
                Hello?

                          MARL
                Hey Nelsin, it's me - Marl. I'm
                here from the Help-the-Blind
                agency.
 (Continue reading...)

      DO YOU HAVE A REWARDS CARD?

      INT. CHECKOUT COUNTER AT THE PHARMACY - DAY

      The CASHIER scans KILE's purchases, leaving a box of condoms
      conspicuously out on the counter for last. She scans them and
      puts them in the bag.

                          CASHIER
                That brings your total to $28.42.
                Do you have a rewards card?

                          KILE
                No, I'm sorry.

      KILE hangs his head in shame as he hands over his credit
      card.
 (Continue reading...)

      PEDIACHANIC

      INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY

      MOTHER walks JIMMY into the doctor's office, holding his
      hand.

                          DR CRITH
                    (Reading from his chart.)
                Okay, let's see what we've got
                here. A 1998 Jimmy, twelve-hundred
                miles on him. What seems to be the
                problem?
 (Continue reading...)

      WELL, THE JOKE'S ON YOU!

      EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - DAY

      A co-ed softball game. ANDY wearing his hat a little too high
      on his head, and looking like he's got an extra shirt or two
      on, steps up to the plate, swings, and makes an impressive
      home run. The team cheers, and he rounds the bases. They all
      rush out to congratulate him after he hits home.

                          ARK
                You did it! We win!
 (Continue reading...)

      A FLAMETHROWER SKETCH

      INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

      MOTHER stands amidst chaos: toys on the ground, food on the
      walls, music playing. Foam darts are shooting back and forth
      across camera, a child runs across and catches a Nerf
      football and runs with it off-screen. A crash is heard.

                          MOTHER
                Boy, life sure can get frantic some
                times.

      An 11-year-old boy runs into the shot holding a real
      flamethrower (holy cow!). He laughs and shoots a few
      fireballs randomly, and then runs off-camera. He leaves
      behind smouldering scorch marks on the couch, carpet, and
      walls.

                          MOTHER (CONT'D)
                See? This is why we can't have ice things.

                                                     BLACKOUT.

      DRIVE TOO FAST!

      INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

      Three older women sit around drinking tea out of nice teacups
      on saucers. The chairs have lace on the armrests.

                          MYRNIA
                What can I say? I just love prunes.

      There is a general murmur of agreement.

                          SYLVIA
                Oy.

      The group echoes her 'oy'.
 (Continue reading...)

      ANOTHER PHONE SEX SKETCH

      INT. CALL CENTER - NIGHT

      ELVERA, a whorey-looking woman, sits at a desk with a headset
      on. Her phone rings, she sighs and answers it.

                          ELVERA
                    (Sexily.)
                Hi there. Thanks for calling. How
                you doin'?
 (Continue reading...)

      SPY CHEF!

      A rad graphics title card flashes across the screen.

                          ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                This week, on Spy Chef!

      ROB FLEMMING, a hip twenty-something wearing a snazzy black
      chef's jacket and toque, talks to the camera with a kitchen
      competition set behind him.

                          ROB
                The world's best espionage-eating
                experts show off to prove who's the
                best at discreet delicacies!  (Continue reading...)

      PITCHING PORNOS

      INT. OFFICE - DAY

                          BOSH
                    (Calling out.)
                Warrun, could you come in here for
                a minute?

      WARRUN, a frazzled man with thick glasses wearing a mis
      buttoned sweater vest, rushes into the room carrying a stack
      of papers.

                          BOSH (CONT'D)
                Warrun, take a seat.

      WARRUN sits.
 (Continue reading...)

      THE PRITCH IS RICH

      INT. THE SET OF THE PRICE IS RIGHT - DAY

                          ANNOUNCER
                Welcome to The Price is Right - and
                here's your host, Drew Carey!

                          DREW CAREY
                We've got a real special treat for
                you today - a special edition of
                The Price Is Right, today's show is
                especially for a select group that
                have been getting a lot of
                attention lately: The super
                wealthy! Let's get right to it!
                Rich - who's going to be playing
                with us today?
 (Continue reading...)