LaughterHouse.org » Jon Michael

A Page Torn From a Restaurant Reviewer’s Notebook

Jon Michael — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:23:02 +0000

March 3: C’est Scents. The head chef, Louis von Gaf, has been known for quite some time for his creative reimagining of traditional French cuisine approached with a contemporary attitude, so I was eager to see what he’d bring to the table. I ordered pasta with butter, and found it to be superb with salt and a bottle of ’89 Chateau l’Endpin drunk through a crazy straw. 4 Stars.

March 11: Raul’s. Best known for their use of a particularly fine truffle oil to flavor their top dishes. I decided to try this famous oil for myself and ordered a champagne flute filled with it. Absolutely delicious to the last drop. 5 Stars.

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Is It Too Late!?

Jon Michael — Thu, 01 Oct 2009 19:50:25 +0000

IS IT TOO LATE?! INT. RETAIL STORE - DAY The bell rings as HANH bursts into the shop, out of breath. In his hands he holds a comedy sketch, crumpled from the run over. He has long hair and is wearing tight jeans and a vintage t-shirt. HANH Am I too late?

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Assisting the Blind

Jon Michael — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 15:23:43 +0000

ASSISTING THE BLIND INT. APARTMENT - DAY The doorbell rings. A delay as NELSIN, clearly blind, makes his way over to the door to open it. It is MARL, dressed in the sort of sweater a good samaritan would wear. NELSIN Hello? MARL Hey Nelsin, it's me - Marl. I'm here from the Help-the-Blind agency.

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Do You Have A Rewards Card?

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:13:10 +0000

DO YOU HAVE A REWARDS CARD? INT. CHECKOUT COUNTER AT THE PHARMACY - DAY The CASHIER scans KILE's purchases, leaving a box of condoms conspicuously out on the counter for last. She scans them and puts them in the bag. CASHIER That brings your total to $28.42. Do you have a rewards card? KILE No, I'm sorry. KILE hangs his head in shame as he hands over his credit card.

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Pediachanic

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:12:06 +0000

PEDIACHANIC INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE - DAY MOTHER walks JIMMY into the doctor's office, holding his hand. DR CRITH (Reading from his chart.) Okay, let's see what we've got here. A 1998 Jimmy, twelve-hundred miles on him. What seems to be the problem?

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Well, The Joke’s On You!

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:08:14 +0000

WELL, THE JOKE'S ON YOU! EXT. SOFTBALL FIELD - DAY A co-ed softball game. ANDY wearing his hat a little too high on his head, and looking like he's got an extra shirt or two on, steps up to the plate, swings, and makes an impressive home run. The team cheers, and he rounds the bases. They all rush out to congratulate him after he hits home. ARK You did it! We win!

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Flamethrower Blackout Sketch

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:08:11 +0000


      A FLAMETHROWER SKETCH

      INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY

      MOTHER stands amidst chaos: toys on the ground, food on the
      walls, music playing. Foam darts are shooting back and forth
      across camera, a child runs across and catches a Nerf
      football and runs with it off-screen. A crash is heard.

                          MOTHER
                Boy, life sure can get frantic some
                times.

      An 11-year-old boy runs into the shot holding a real
      flamethrower (holy cow!). He laughs and shoots a few
      fireballs randomly, and then runs off-camera. He leaves
      behind smouldering scorch marks on the couch, carpet, and
      walls.

                          MOTHER (CONT'D)
                See? This is why we can't have ice things.

                                                     BLACKOUT.

Drive Too Fast!

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:08:09 +0000

DRIVE TOO FAST! INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Three older women sit around drinking tea out of nice teacups on saucers. The chairs have lace on the armrests. MYRNIA What can I say? I just love prunes. There is a general murmur of agreement. SYLVIA Oy. The group echoes her 'oy'.

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Another Phone Sex Sketch

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:08:06 +0000

ANOTHER PHONE SEX SKETCH INT. CALL CENTER - NIGHT ELVERA, a whorey-looking woman, sits at a desk with a headset on. Her phone rings, she sighs and answers it. ELVERA (Sexily.) Hi there. Thanks for calling. How you doin'?

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Spy Chef!

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 21:53:37 +0000

SPY CHEF! A rad graphics title card flashes across the screen. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) This week, on Spy Chef! ROB FLEMMING, a hip twenty-something wearing a snazzy black chef's jacket and toque, talks to the camera with a kitchen competition set behind him. ROB The world's best espionage-eating experts show off to prove who's the best at discreet delicacies!

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