In a world where the Justice Department thinks it’s perfectly legal to spy on Americans and people post pictures of themselves performing unspeakable acts on small animals, one magazine decided to jump on the bandwagon. This is the story of five stereotypes, picked to spill their most personal fantasies, because we feel like it. Behold the sexy!

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When my arbitrarily assigned housing lottery number determined that I’m the coolest senior ever, I got all excited and megalomaniacal about being able to exclude people I think are assholes and banishing them to the Village or the gulag we call “Grad.” Then my minions of coolness and I would have alcohol-doused parties just to show the extent of our awesomeness.
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“Of course,” I said to her as I briskly swept the room for bugs, “your government will have to pay me quite a bit of money to sabotage this magazine.” I offered her a seat in the chair by the corner, where the streetlight fell through the blinds in a matter that seemed so becoming of this genre.
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