Secondhand smoke	Secondhand meat
Joe Camel	Ronald McDonald
Philip Morris	The Hamburglar
Kills you	Kills you faster
Consumers sue producer for negative effects of consuming their product	C’mon. You didn’t honestly think that the McLard Shake was good for you, did you?
Lung Cancer	Colon Cancer
Flavor Country	Playland Ball Pit
More than 4,000 chemicals in each cigarette	No one even knows what goes into french fries
Turns your teeth brown	If you still have teeth, you probably don’t eat here
Candy cigarettes entice kids to smoke	Happy Meals
Darwinism solves this issue	Darwinism will probably take care of this one, too
Golden filters	Golden arches
Nicotine can help you lose weight	“… and a Diet Coke.”
Thank You for Smoking	Supersize Me
Not much better than breathing in car exhaust	Drive through window

Editor’s Note: This was originally published in the Spring 2006 Issue of Gravity Magazine.