March 3: C’est Scents. The head chef, Louis von Gaf, has been known for quite some time for his creative reimagining of traditional French cuisine approached with a contemporary attitude, so I was eager to see what he’d bring to the table. I ordered pasta with butter, and found it to be superb with salt and a bottle of ’89 Chateau l’Endpin drunk through a crazy straw. 4 Stars.

March 11: Raul’s. Best known for their use of a particularly fine truffle oil to flavor their top dishes. I decided to try this famous oil for myself and ordered a champagne flute filled with it. Absolutely delicious to the last drop. 5 Stars.
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      DO YOU HAVE A REWARDS CARD?

      INT. CHECKOUT COUNTER AT THE PHARMACY - DAY

      The CASHIER scans KILE's purchases, leaving a box of condoms
      conspicuously out on the counter for last. She scans them and
      puts them in the bag.

                          CASHIER
                That brings your total to $28.42.
                Do you have a rewards card?

                          KILE
                No, I'm sorry.

      KILE hangs his head in shame as he hands over his credit
      card.
 (Continue reading...)

      SPY CHEF!

      A rad graphics title card flashes across the screen.

                          ANNOUNCER (V.O.)
                This week, on Spy Chef!

      ROB FLEMMING, a hip twenty-something wearing a snazzy black
      chef's jacket and toque, talks to the camera with a kitchen
      competition set behind him.

                          ROB
                The world's best espionage-eating
                experts show off to prove who's the
                best at discreet delicacies!  (Continue reading...)

      CRASH CAB

      INT. TAXI CAB - NIGHT

      BYRIN opens the door to a cab and gets inside. The driver
      sitting with his head leaned up against the window, jumps
      when BYRIN gets in the cab.

                          BEN
                Uhh, where to, buddy?

                          GRIG
                33rd and Lex, please.

                          BEN
                You got it.

      BEN begins to drive off. As he does, the roof of the cab
      lights up, flashing and music plays. The driver is just as
      surprised as the passenger.

                          BEN (CONT'D)
                Oh yeah!
                    (Smacks forehead.) (Continue reading...)

     THE POURTRON 5000 INFOMERCIAL

       INT. SOUNDSTAGE DRESSED AS A KITCHEN - DAY

                           HOST
                 How many times has this happened to
                 you?

       In black and white, we see a wife set breakfast in front of
       her husband. The breakfast is set on a large platter
       containing a stack of pancakes, sausage, eggs, potatoes,
       fruit, cereal, other eggs, mini-pancakes, and cheeeeeese.
 (Continue reading...)

      THE NEXT DIE HARD MOVIE

                          NARRATOR (V.O.)
                You loved him in Die Hard.

                                                       CUT TO:

      John McClain standing in a hallway, reaching for a gun taped
      to his back.

                          NARRATOR (CONT'D)
                You loved him again in Die Hard 2.

                                                       CUT TO:

      John McClain punching some guy in the face.
 (Continue reading...)

     JAMES BOND TAKES ANOTHER GIRL HOME

     INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT

     JAMES BOND, dressed in a Tuxedo, walks SALLIEGH, a beautiful
     brunette dressed like a classy whore, into his hotel room.

                         SALLEIGH
               So, tell me. Are you really James
               Bond, the spy? Or was that just a
               line to get be back into your room?

                         BOND
                   (With a Sean Connery
                    accent.)
               Oh, I'm the real deal.

                         SALLEIGH
               Oh yeah? So, do you have any of
               those cool gadgets with you?

                         BOND
               You mean, things dishguised as
               other things?

                         SALLEIGH
               Yeah, special spy gadgets.

                         BOND
               Well...

     BOND looks around the hotel room.

                         BOND (CONT'D)
               Thish may look like a couch, but it
               turns into a bed!
 (Continue reading...)

Hello Gravites and Gravettes! Seeing as how it’s Valentine’s Day (actually it’s the day after Valentine’s Day, but never mind that), Laughterhouse has deemed fit to use our infinite knowledge to help all of you flunkies by publishing a guide to affairs of the heart. If you use this guide appropriately, none of you will have to spend yesterday by yourselves! Unfortunately we chose to let our science officer write the guide, so it’s a bit technical. It may help to refer to the diagram that we’ve provided.

In this Guide we will describe how the heart works and many of the different ways you can use the heart to get into the pants of the person you care about. As we all know, the heart is the organ that pumps blood to the various limbs and fiddly bits of our body. Without this function we would immediately die, so the heart is often called a vital organ, or supriorgan. It has often been claimed that the heart is the center and source of emotion in the human body. This is of course completely true, but before we can discuss that we must describe how the heart functions:

(Continue reading…)