LaughterHouse.org » Parody

A Page Torn From a Restaurant Reviewer’s Notebook

Jon Michael — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 04:23:02 +0000

March 3: C’est Scents. The head chef, Louis von Gaf, has been known for quite some time for his creative reimagining of traditional French cuisine approached with a contemporary attitude, so I was eager to see what he’d bring to the table. I ordered pasta with butter, and found it to be superb with salt and a bottle of ’89 Chateau l’Endpin drunk through a crazy straw. 4 Stars.

March 11: Raul’s. Best known for their use of a particularly fine truffle oil to flavor their top dishes. I decided to try this famous oil for myself and ordered a champagne flute filled with it. Absolutely delicious to the last drop. 5 Stars.

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Do You Have A Rewards Card?

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 22:13:10 +0000

DO YOU HAVE A REWARDS CARD? INT. CHECKOUT COUNTER AT THE PHARMACY - DAY The CASHIER scans KILE's purchases, leaving a box of condoms conspicuously out on the counter for last. She scans them and puts them in the bag. CASHIER That brings your total to $28.42. Do you have a rewards card? KILE No, I'm sorry. KILE hangs his head in shame as he hands over his credit card.

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Spy Chef!

Jon Michael — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 21:53:37 +0000

SPY CHEF! A rad graphics title card flashes across the screen. ANNOUNCER (V.O.) This week, on Spy Chef! ROB FLEMMING, a hip twenty-something wearing a snazzy black chef's jacket and toque, talks to the camera with a kitchen competition set behind him. ROB The world's best espionage-eating experts show off to prove who's the best at discreet delicacies!

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Crash Cab

Jon Michael — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 17:09:58 +0000

CRASH CAB INT. TAXI CAB - NIGHT BYRIN opens the door to a cab and gets inside. The driver sitting with his head leaned up against the window, jumps when BYRIN gets in the cab. BEN Uhh, where to, buddy? GRIG 33rd and Lex, please. BEN You got it. BEN begins to drive off. As he does, the roof of the cab lights up, flashing and music plays. The driver is just as surprised as the passenger. BEN (CONT'D) Oh yeah! (Smacks forehead.)

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The Pourtron 5000 Infomercial

Jon Michael — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 23:59:01 +0000

THE POURTRON 5000 INFOMERCIAL INT. SOUNDSTAGE DRESSED AS A KITCHEN - DAY HOST How many times has this happened to you? In black and white, we see a wife set breakfast in front of her husband. The breakfast is set on a large platter containing a stack of pancakes, sausage, eggs, potatoes, fruit, cereal, other eggs, mini-pancakes, and cheeeeeese.

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The Next Die Hard Movie

Jon Michael — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 17:24:17 +0000

THE NEXT DIE HARD MOVIE NARRATOR (V.O.) You loved him in Die Hard. CUT TO: John McClain standing in a hallway, reaching for a gun taped to his back. NARRATOR (CONT'D) You loved him again in Die Hard 2. CUT TO: John McClain punching some guy in the face.

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James Bond Takes Another Girl Home

Jon Michael — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 03:59:55 +0000

JAMES BOND TAKES ANOTHER GIRL HOME INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT JAMES BOND, dressed in a Tuxedo, walks SALLIEGH, a beautiful brunette dressed like a classy whore, into his hotel room. SALLEIGH So, tell me. Are you really James Bond, the spy? Or was that just a line to get be back into your room? BOND (With a Sean Connery accent.) Oh, I'm the real deal. SALLEIGH Oh yeah? So, do you have any of those cool gadgets with you? BOND You mean, things dishguised as other things? SALLEIGH Yeah, special spy gadgets. BOND Well... BOND looks around the hotel room. BOND (CONT'D) Thish may look like a couch, but it turns into a bed!

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Where’s Jesus?

Michael — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 16:29:48 +0000

Smokin’ Da Weed

Jon Michael — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 01:01:25 +0000

LaughterHouse’s Guide to the Heart

Michael — Sat, 16 Feb 2008 01:24:31 +0000

Hello Gravites and Gravettes! Seeing as how it’s Valentine’s Day (actually it’s the day after Valentine’s Day, but never mind that), Laughterhouse has deemed fit to use our infinite knowledge to help all of you flunkies by publishing a guide to affairs of the heart. If you use this guide appropriately, none of you will have to spend yesterday by yourselves! Unfortunately we chose to let our science officer write the guide, so it’s a bit technical. It may help to refer to the diagram that we’ve provided.

In this Guide we will describe how the heart works and many of the different ways you can use the heart to get into the pants of the person you care about. As we all know, the heart is the organ that pumps blood to the various limbs and fiddly bits of our body. Without this function we would immediately die, so the heart is often called a vital organ, or supriorgan. It has often been claimed that the heart is the center and source of emotion in the human body. This is of course completely true, but before we can discuss that we must describe how the heart functions:

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