Musharraf has promised to return democratic control of the country just as soon as he gets sick of the crown.

In a 78-21 decision late last night, the United States Senate approved a resolution calling the ongoing political violence in Pakistan an “absolute clusterfuck”. Analysts are reeling from this development, which they believe is the Government’s response to yesterday’s savage beating of Writers’ Guild picketers by members of Musharraf’s national guard. Musharraf’s press secretary said only that, “protesters of any sort will not be tolerated,” and, “they had better hurry up and get 24 back on the air.”

“It was only last month that Congress declared Turkey’s 1915 slaughter of a million Armenians ‘genocide’,” said fair and balanced political pundit Bill O’Reilly, “and the Turks totally flipped a shit! Now the Senate’s gonna call Pakistan a ‘clusterfuck’ and think that Musharraf’s not gonna lose it? Fucking liberals.”

Nancy Pelosi was quick to support the Senate’s decision, calling it “overdue”, but senators from both parties denounced Pelosi as out of her jurisdiction. “Frankly,” said Republican Senator John McCain, “this is not the concern of the Speaker of the House.” Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton agreed, publicly calling on Pelosi to “learn her place and leave Senate matters to the grown-ups.”

In response to the declaration of Pakistani clusterfuckery, the European Union passed a resolution branding the US as a hostile nation. US President George W. Bush in turn presented Congress with a bill which, if passed, will outlaw Europe.