DRIVE TOO FAST!
INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY
Three older women sit around drinking tea out of nice teacups
on saucers. The chairs have lace on the armrests.
MYRNIA
What can I say? I just love prunes.
There is a general murmur of agreement.
SYLVIA
Oy.
The group echoes her 'oy'.
SYLVIA (CONT'D)
My youngest, Eddie? I worry about
him so. Every day he's off to his
job as a fancy-pants jockey.
EDNA
They do wear nice pants.
SYLVIA
They do.
(Pause.)
But he goes so fast on that darn
horse of his! I tell him to slow
down, but does he listen to his
mother? No, of course not. He just
has to show off to his jockey
friends.
MYRNIA
You think that's bad? My oldest,
Jack, he drives so fast! All night
long I'm up worrying.
EDNA
Did you tell him to slow down?
MYRNIA
Of course I did. But ever since he
became a fancy-pants race car
driver, he's gotten it into his
head that he has to be some kind of
a speed-demon.
EDNA
They wear nice pants too.
SYLVIA
(Beat.)
At least your boy wears a helmet!
MYRNIA
Yes, that's something. But he's
still dating that good-for-nothing
whore he met down at the church.
Talk about fast? You should meet
this one.
The group chuckles. EDNA puts the back of her wrist to her
forehead.
SYLVIA
Edna, what's wrong?
EDNA
Oh, it's just my daughter Julie.
She just made the Olympic sprinting
team.
MYRNIA
That's marvelous!
EDNA
But she runs so fast! And they're
just encouraging her! What if she
trips? She falls? She breaks
something?!
EDNA's hand shakes as she sips her tea.
SYLVIA
Maybe we should introduce your girl
to my boy Eddie. Maybe then they
wouldn't have to go so fast.
EDNA
That's a great idea!
MYRNIA
Ahhhhhhhh!
MYRNIA smashes her teacup against the floor and runs
screaming out of the room.
BLACKOUT. I HAD END THE SKETCH SOMEHOW!
