Prominent Ewok Chub-Chub is dead today, just three days after signing with the Minnesota Vikings. An unauthorized party cruise turned fatal early this morning, as the inebriated victim reportedly fell overboard after a scuffle with a guy in a Darth Vader mask. A Vikings spokesman refused to comment on this latest blow to Ewok-Human relations. “This was just a publicity stunt,” said Ewok advocate Marybeth Ringo-Starshucker. “The Vikings never intended to start an Ewok linebacker. And didn’t they know Chub-Chub had already been hospitalized for addiction to wine coolers?” Some fans were less than sympathetic: “What a loser,” said Jake Beerlicker. “My toddler could knock ‘im over. These Ewoks come to this country, think we owe them something just for helping the Rebel Alliance? They don’t even speak English!” Despite Chub-Chub’s death and a lawsuit against the Organization for Really High Shelves, the Ewok community finds hope in the successes of other ethnic groups, said Former US Secretary of Labor Robert Reich: “For example, last season the Wookiee National Basketball Association drew more viewers than the NHL.”