FERDINAND THE BOXER
INT. WARM-UP ROOM OUTSIDE OF A LARGE LAS VEGAS BOXING ARENA.
FERDINAND sits in a rickety wooden chair underneath a single
hanging light bulb while his trainer, NIC, massages his
shoulders. We can just barely hear the crowd roaring outside.
FERDINAND
Boy, Nic, I tell ya - I can't wait
to meet Tony "The Tough" Tucciano.
From what I hear, he's a real nice
guy. I'm sure we'll get along just
great.
NIC
I don't know, Ferd, I've heard he's
kind of a jerk.
FERDINAND
Who would say a thing like that? It
doesn't matter, I don't want to
hear it. I'm going to assume the
best until I see otherwise for
myself.
NIC
You're a nice guy, Ferdinand. Here,
why don't you work on the bags for
a bit.
NIC leads FERDINAND over to a punching bag, which FERDINAND
begins to wail on.
FERDINAND
So what does Tony have planned?
We'll go grab a beer or something?
NIC
... Or something.
FERDINAND
I could go for an iced latte, maybe
Tony would be up for that. I'm
looking forward to getting to know
him.
NIC
Listen, Ferdinand. I gotta be
honest with you - I don't know how
well you're going to get along with
Tony. He's been saying some pretty
mean things about you.
FERDINAND
What? No, Tony wouldn't do that.
NIC
No, it's true. I heard him telling
Ignatius "The Punching Man" Ornsin
that you like to wear women's
dresses and underthings.
FERDINAND
What? Oh, I'm sure he was just
joking around.
FERDINAND continues to beat the shit out of the punching bag.
NIC
Nice punching there, Ferd. But no,
I don't think he was joking. I also
heard him telling an ESPN reporter
that he saw you wearing white after
labor day.
FERDINAND
What?! He's lying! I would never do
that! Why would he say such a
thing?
NIC
Some guys are just jerks, I guess.
And this guy is a jerk.
FERDINAND
Well, I'll have to set him
straight. You never wear white
after labor day.
NIC
Yeah, Ferd. You set him straight.
You know what else?
FERDINAND ignores him as he works on punching the bag.
NIC (CONT'D)
I read on his blog that he things
your wife is ugly.
FERDINAND
He didn't!
NIC
He did! He wrote that your wife was
fat and ugly. And a bad cook, and
stupid!
FERDINAND
My wife is beautiful! And her
Bolognese sauce is to die for!
NIC
Well, Tony doesn't think so. He
says that she resembles a turtle in
appearance, and that her sauces are
bitter and overly heavy on the
seasoning.
FERDINAND slams his fists against the bag and stops punching.
FERDINAND
That bastard!
NIC
He also wrote, in a follow-up blog
post, that even though he thinks
she's ugly, he still wants to have
sex with her when you're not
around.
FERDINAND, enraged, kicks a chair across the room.
FERDINAND
That doesn't even make sense! Oh
man am I gonna give this guy a
piece of my mind.
NIC
He told me that you're too dumb to
even talk to him. That you're all
stupid and stuff.
FERDINAND
What??
NIC
But he said that it doesn't matter,
because he can beat you up anyway.
FERDINAND
Well I'll show him!!
NIC
I think he's over there.
NIC points towards the door, FERDINAND races towards it,
kicks it open, and runs down into the area, where thousands
of fans are cheering and flashbulbs are going off. He sees
TONY standing in the ring and jumps in.
BLACKOUT.
