JAMES BOND TAKES ANOTHER GIRL HOME
INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT
JAMES BOND, dressed in a Tuxedo, walks SALLIEGH, a beautiful
brunette dressed like a classy whore, into his hotel room.
SALLEIGH
So, tell me. Are you really James
Bond, the spy? Or was that just a
line to get be back into your room?
BOND
(With a Sean Connery
accent.)
Oh, I'm the real deal.
SALLEIGH
Oh yeah? So, do you have any of
those cool gadgets with you?
BOND
You mean, things dishguised as
other things?
SALLEIGH
Yeah, special spy gadgets.
BOND
Well...
BOND looks around the hotel room.
BOND (CONT'D)
Thish may look like a couch, but it
turns into a bed!
SALLEIGH
Ooooooh.
BOND takes SALLEIGH into his arms and kisses her
passionately.
BOND
I think I have some other gizhmos
that you might be interested in.
Perhapsh a little bit more
appropriate for our ... shituation.
SALLEIGH
Oh yeah?
BOND, still with one arm wrapped around SALLEIGH, holds up a
fountain pen.
BOND
Like, for instance, thish fountain
pen.
SALLEIGH
Let me guess - it's a spy-camera?
BOND
No, the shpy-camera is over there
in the potpourri. Thish, my dear,
is a vibrator.
BOND clicks the top of the pen and it begins buzzing.
SALLEIGH blushes.
SALLEIGH
My goodness!
BOND
And if you think that'sh something,
take a look at this!
BOND walks over to the hotel room's bible, and opens it to
reveal that it's hollowed out and filled with condoms.
SALLEIGH
Against wit like yours, the
Russians don't stand a chance!
BOND
Yesh, that's what I was going for.
But that'sh not all.
SALLEIGH
Oh?
BOND
Yesh. You see that bronze bust of
Vince Guaraldi up on the mantle?
It'sh actually a strap-on!
SALLEIGH
(Considers it for a
moment.)
Kinky!
BOND
I was hoping you'd shay that.
Exchuse me for a moment.
BOND steps over to a champaigne bottle and begins to open it.
SALLEIGH notices a big, floppy, black dildo laying on the
floor.
SALLEIGH
Hey, what's this?
SALLEIGH picks it up. BOND turns to look.
BOND
No, don't it's a --
A massive explosion tears the hotel room apart.
BLACKOUT.
