JOB TRAINING AT THE MATTRESS STORE

      INT. MATTRESS RETAILER'S SHOWROOM. - DAY

      A group of new employees are gathered around their manager.

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Okay guys, this is it: the sales
                floor. This is where the magic
                happens. Any questions? Good. We're
                going to get started with dealing
                with customers.

                Now, who can name some situations
                you might have to deal with as a
                mattress salesman?

                          TRAINEE 1
                Umm. What if people try to have sex
                on the beds?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Ha, ha. Okay, very funny. Seriously
                guys, what types of things might
                customers do?

                          TRAINEE 2
                Umm. Eat cookies is bed?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Yes! Excellent, very good.
                Customers are not allowed to eat
                cookies in bed.

                          TRAINEE 2
                What if they have a coupon?

                          TRAINEE 1
                Follow-up question. What about
                crackers?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Good question. Customers are not
                allowed to eat crackers in bed
                either.

                          TRAINEE 3
                Well, what about soup?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Good question. Only if they promise
                to be careful and not spill.

                          TRAINEE 1
                What about people jumping on the
                bed?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                I'm glad you mentioned that.
                Customers are not allowed to jump
                on the beds.

                          TRAINEE 2
                Not even just to see?

                          TRAINEE 3
                What if they have a coupon?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                No, not at all.

                          TRAINEE 1
                What if...

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Yes?

                          TRAINEE 1
                What if someone wets the bed?

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                You mean, what should you do if a
                customer comes in here to try out a
                mattress and accidentally wets the
                bed?

                          TRAINEE 1
                Yes.

                          MR SOMNSTEIN
                Well, obviously you have to handle
                that situation sensitively. Don't
                get angry, just quickly change the
                sheets and tell them that you'll
                talk about it in the morning. And
                remember to walk them to the
                bathroom before you put them back
                to bed.

                          LOUDSPEAKER
                    (V.O.)
                Cleanup on Aisle 3, in the pillow
                top section.

                                                     BLACKOUT.