It's not pornographic, unfortunately.

Suppose talking to your roommate is psychologically uncomfortable, and costs $31.

There were probably giraffes who were too tall and when they leaned over their head was too heavy and they bent over to eat and they fell and died, so we reached an equilibrium of giraffes.

I'll get your midterms back in time for you to drop the class.

"YouTube is a great learning place."

"A regular person--well, not a regular person--a non-Asian American can't get in [to UC Berkeley]."

"Monstrare--from Latin, 'to show.' A monster is something that shows up and scares the hell out of you."

"I know you're trying to get through your essay. However, I also know you're full of shit."

"Let's be classy. Let's be sophisticated. Let's be Mr. Peanut."

"[Nietzsche] is like diarrhea of the mouth, except it's shit on a page."

Babies are possessed. They must be related to my cat

Yeah, it made them bleed to death...But it's also a medicine.

"I'm spinning around like Dr. Clock!"

None other than John Bolton has come to my defense...which has made me very uncomfortable.

Why is eff you. It's just notation, not a sentence.