Oh, yeah, I'm kind of bad at math.

Advice to people thinking of becoming philosophy majors: Tell your parents over break you're thinking about majoring in dance, then when you get back, tell them you've changed to philosophy

"A regular person--well, not a regular person--a non-Asian American can't get in [to UC Berkeley]."

"Monstrare--from Latin, 'to show.' A monster is something that shows up and scares the hell out of you."

"I know you're trying to get through your essay. However, I also know you're full of shit."

"Of course, back in those days women didn't wear pants to work."

"[Nietzsche] is like diarrhea of the mouth, except it's shit on a page."

Babies are possessed. They must be related to my cat

"These are not your average genitals"

"The Fore were cannibals. They believed that if you ate the brains of you're enemy, you'd gain their courage and wisdom. As it turns out, they also gained their enemy's Cruetzfeldt-Jakob disease."

"Those of you who have finished the play? Okay, those of you who HAS finished the play. All your acts are belong to me."

"Look around the room, you will see 49 people with heads and one person without a head- that's you."

"Hamlet has just gotten the Z on the triple word score!"

"This organization did not like the pigs...I mean the police. I can't believe I just said that. That's what we called them in the seventies. When I was young. At Brandeis. Emily knows what I'm talking about."

I don't know ifyou could have a left handed Pope, or a one armed Pope who only had his left hand.