Disturbed college student Miranda Gasbag became a vigilante yesterday, taking pictures of a man eating on the subway and posting them on the Internet. "I couldn't believe it," said Gasbag, "I was truly horrified. He was just sitting right out in the open, gnawing away on a pastrami sandwich. His mouth was this gaping hole, engulfing these pieces of meat, engorging itself as it stretched to take in the load. I — I think I saw his uvula." Gasbag's strong overbearing moral character quickly sprang into action. "Now, most people would faint away at such a sight, but not me. I got a few shots with my cameraphone and got off at the next stop." To Gasbag's surprise, the police were less than helpful. "They said flashers aren't a top priority, especially if they don't actually touch you. And can you believe, eating in public is legal?! I mean, we can't stop people from doing it in the privacy of their own homes, but to be harassed like I was? What if there were children around?" Gasbag takes comfort in the power of mob justice, but says it's not enough. "Sure, the pervert's face is online, but public shaming only goes so far. Honestly, what good is a government if it can't even protect people from being offended?"

Editor's Note: Reprinted from Gravity Magazine, Fall 2005.