Editor’s Note: Hey! This article contains images and ideas that are probably not suitable for the easily offended. If you fall into this category, it would probably be best for everyone if you avoided the ‘more’ link.

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1. Take care of your genitals. I kind of designed them at the last second, so they don’t really last as long as the rest of thine body.
2. It is not possible for me to microwave a burrito so hot that even I can not eat it. Trust me, I’ve tried.
3. Thou shalt go ahead and cross Leviticus right out, it was just a rough draft I made one night when I was high.
4. The Virgin Mary is not my lover. She’s just a girl who says that I am the one. But the kid is not my son.
5. Thou shalt scream my name whilst having sex, and I’ll take a looksee. Bonus points if you’re committing adultery, that shit is hot.
6. Remember the Sabbath Day and keep it real. Don’t let anyone fuck with you on the Sabbath Day.
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Tooth fairy still up in the air

Recent scientific discoveries by world renown biologist Richard Dawkins, premiered to the world on the top-rated educational show, South Park, have finally settled, once and for all, the question of theism.

Many of the mainstream religious releaders (The Pope, Pat Robertson, The Dali Lama, George W. Bush, Pat Sajack, Tom Cruise) were surprisingly unfazed by this revelation, almost as if they knew it all along. Thousands upon thousands of monks (called in from the J.C. Army Reserve) immediately set to work revising bibles of all references to their previous deities, replacing them with The Loch Ness Monster (in the case of christianity), The Tooth Fairy (in the case of Jusiasm), and an priest who isn’t attracted to little boys (in the case of Islam).

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