Pittsburgh, PA, Feb. 30: The recently deceased have risen from their graves and demanded both basic human rights and tasty human flesh. The incident began almost a week ago, when several thousand corpses climbed out of their graves, coffins, and concrete shoes in the riverbed. At first they were content to wander around aimlessly, but soon they began to work together to swarm the city’s residential areas and demand fair housing prices, the right to different vitality marriages, and succulent human entrails. The city’s residents were quick to flee, presumably because of the inevitable drop in real estate prices, but the high volume of traffic on the highways caused severe congestion that several zombies described as a “tasty meat buffet”.

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