"And now Jim.  Okay, Jim.  Go.  Jim?  Any time now.  Cut!"  Matt rubbed his forehead.  "Jim?"

"Just give me a second."

"Right."

Jim took a deep breath and tried to relax.  "I'm okay, I'm okay. Let's go again."

"You're sure?"

"Totally.  I am ready."

"Okay!  Cue music!  Action!"

The scene unfolded.  "Okay.  Missy?  Now Jim.  Jim.  Jim.  Now, Jim. Now!  Cut!"

"Sorry," said Jim, waving his hand, "sorry."

"Jim, what's the story?"

"I'm just having some trouble with the scene, that's all."

"What do you mean?"

"It's just, I don't know, I don't really know my character's motivation."

Matt stretched his arms and clasped his jaw with his hand. "Motivation?"

"Yeah, I'm not quite sure why he's doing this."

"Look, Jim, can you do this or not?"

"I'm sure I can, but–"

"No buts.  Very simple, Jim: music's playing, girl pees, guy pees, their pee combines in a puddle, end of scene.  Got it?"

"Yeah, but what about. . . ."

"Jim, what are you doing?"

"I'm just concerned about the project."

"The only thing you should be concerned about is peeing when you're supposed to pee.  Got it?"

"I got it, believe me.  I just think if we change it up a little, maybe aim for a bowl. . . ."

"Why are you sabotaging my movie, Jim?"

"I'm not."

"Then why are you sabotaging yourself?  I thought you wanted this."

"I do."

"Then be a professional and pee like it says in the script!"

"Maybe you didn't drink enough," said Missy, gulping from her water bottle.  "Matt, I won't get a good flow if we keep stopping like this."

"You see?  Missy's gonna be practically empty if you don't shape up, Jim."

Jim felt a lump in his throat.  "I know, Matt, I know!  It's a lot of pressure — I mean, we're standing here bottomless, I'm trying to hold off an erection, and you're telling me to pee on a dishcloth and act natural!"

"Does he have to look down, Matt?" asked Missy.

"How else is he going to aim?"

Missy turned to Jim.  "Would it help if I were a lesbian?"

"Somehow I don't think it would."

"Matt, what if he goes first and I join?  You can reverse us in editing."

"What?!  No — that completely changes the scene!"

"Well, I'm feeding the homeless in about an hour, so–"

"Uh!  Fine, try it!"

Missy winked at Jim, then looked away.  Jim took another deep breath, and slowly, but with increasing confidence, felt the release.  Missy's flow joined his, and Jim discovered the beauty that Matt desperately wanted to capture.  And though the tape of this performance was accidentally discarded with some empty Chinese food boxes, a courageous ad executive recovered it, subsequently turning it into the greatest Wal-Mart commercial ever.

Editor's Note: Reprinted from Gravity Magazine, Fall 2005.